andrewbreitel:

omg

My Story, not finished.
     
    Sitting in the hosptial room, not knowing what is going on, the taste of fear in your mouth, eagar to see what is the matter. My skin was scaly from the nerves in my body; nothing was going to make me feel any better when i got the news that was going to change my life. I heard someone thumping down the hall, someone headed towards my room. When this man walked into the room, my eyes zoomed in and focused on his, i knew that couldnt be good. This guy known as the doctor told me the worst news for me to hear, at this moment.
    This feeling was like no other, the way that i felt was so nerve racking that it shocked me. On June 9, 2003 i told my mom that i hadnt felt good, that i felt like a plan was crashing down in my system. i was having blurred vision, odd taste buds. I hadnt ate food in 2 weeks, i was hungrier than a pig, nothing would go down. My mom started getting very worried about me , so she took me to the doctors. While telling me that i had diabetes, my world felt like it stopped for a second, that my world had changed. I felt a tear go down the side of my face, like they were coming out of a river. My mom held me although i was a teddy bear. With me sniffling , the doctor told me it was okay. there were worst things that could happen, but for me this was the wrost.
    Before i knew it, they were showing me ohw o give a shot, at first i thought this was just a nightmare, as id i was in a horrble movie, this couldnt be happeing to me.just knowing my mom and grandma were there to hold my hand and be there for me made me feel so much better. I’m hearing sounds in my head, booming like fireworks going off. I really had no idea what was going on. Then i felt this horrible thing go into my arm. it felt like this burning sensation, it was my first shot of insulin. I felt as if i was lin the doctors office getting a flu shot. But knowing i had to live with this all my life, it was horrifying. i didnt think i could live with this.The doctors had to explain everything to me, but when i got very thirsty, they told me i wasnt allowed to have anything right now, and in the future wasnt allowed to drink anything with sugar in it. So they told me that i cant live my regular life, that i cant do the stuff that i usualy do. I cried even harder, i didnt even know what to do, but cry. I felt i have been a baby, people telling me what i could eat or drink, i hated it. After i calmed down, they explained whats was the matter, telling me how my pancrea’s doesnt produce insulin, i just couldnt beleive this.
    For the first couple days home, i had diabetic classes to go to, to get a few tips. Everyday i would go home and cry, i was on a stricked diet, what kind of 10 year old wants to be on a diet. i couldnt drink/eat the same way anymore. Its seemed as if i was a baby, and had to get taught right and wrong. I couldnt handle it anymore after a while, but everyone gave me encouragement, it strenghten me a little. But i was to the point, were i felt like i was odd, not a normal kid, and everyone had to laugh at me, or had some type of comment to say.
    The next year, i was going into middle school, so throughout the summer, i’ve learned how to deal more, but Middle school, it seemed i had to fit it, so i started slacking, thinking i was cool, not taking good care of myself. blood sugars would be up and down, i would be sick alot, puking and all. And everything i thought would happen, did. People would sit there, and would leave mean remarks like ” Are going to go shoot up,” “Diabeters.” Like somehow its funny being as sick as i was.I wasnt a emotional person, but them saying all this mean words, was making me sad, like i was as equal as them, as if i wasnt a human like them.
As middle school went on, the same ol` stuff happened, until i got to eigth grade. I finally cried one time, i let no one see, because i didnt wanna be made out as a baby, for people making fun of me for having diabetes. The emotions got to me, i was a wreak. This is the time where i got so sick, that i went into the hospital, for going into Detox, my whole body system broke down. I had all the same feelings i did when i got sick with diabetes. So i knew something wasnt good. I had pancreatitus. Im not going to lie, im not sure what that really is. But i know it was bad. And i felt that all the times i “forgot” to take my shots, or “forgot” to test my blood sugar, it all came back to me. And it did. it was a horrible feeling, but knowing its all my fault, its more horrible.
    Im in my 9th grade year, and things couldnt be worse. I’ve been in and out of the hospital, maybe 2 or 3 times. The first two times, was the same thing, detox, but i had an enlarged liver. I’ve had every scan ran on me, every ultra sound, every x-ray. They found nothing, and the worse thing is, having an enlarged liver, means looking pregnant. Yes, Pregnant. My upper stomach, it pooches out, like a lump. So i have to deal with being made fun of some more throughout my years, and its rediculas. I shouldnt be treated bad for things i cant change. i mean its my fault, but nothing i can change about it now. So i had to go to special doctors, a unit called gastrology. Basically for my stomach problems. They told me that i could have no fatty foods, in other words, i cant eat anything i usualy do. pickles,potatoes,dressings,chips. Basically everything. So, knowing i cant, it makes me want to eat all of them foods even more, so i do. So my stomach isnt gett ing any better, and neither are the jokes at school and out of school about me being “pregnant”. which does give me a giggle now.
its the end of 9th grade year, which was a couple weeks ago, i went into the hospital, one last time, but when i went, i was in detox, but it wasnt as bad, because this time, i wouldnt half way black out. i knew i was dehydrated, so thats the reason my mom brought me. Everything was normal, they ran every test, and my blood sugar was good. But unsuddenly, an hour after i’ve been there, it went sky high. it was outrageous. The doctors said they had to put a cathider in me, thens when i flipped. i dont remember anything past that, but my mom had told me i was acting like a physcho person, litteraly. i was screaming, swinging my arms, cussing. Everything, They asked me where i was, and i told them i was at my friend Dougs house. I was hastierical. a couple hours later, i started remembering things, i was screaming i was cold, and they tried putting me into this big metal weight mesurer, i was telling them i didnt want to go into there, and they tried everything. They told my mom one half side of my brain was swollen, they put a mask onto me, i tried ripping it off, and tried ripping out my IV. which left me a bruise forever. My mom asked doctors if i was going to be okay, they gave no answer, so by now , my mom is crying, thinking im dying, which i was. My heart rate was dropping nothing worse could go wrong.
    All of that had accured for not taking care of myself, and relizing a few weeks later, i had to do something from not leading myself into death. So this is where i am now, im doing better, still sometimes i forget to test my blood sugar, but i have to do my shots, i used to be able to let my sugar go up to 500 and only feel a little sick. But now, when it even gets to 300, im sick, dont wanna eat, and all i want to do is drink water. Diabetes had made me learn, that everything doesnt come easy in life, you got to work hard to be healthy and stay that way. Many people dont know what i go through or anything, thats whats pathetic, because they think they do. I’ve learned to forget about it, and live my life.
By: Myranda Balsis.

You never got to finish this, and that breaks my heart. Wish you could of so everyone would of known what you had been going through for the past 10 years. I love you, and I’ll miss you forever<3 I’ll be thinking of you everyday! xoxo

Rest In Peace, Myrandabby :*

It seriously just hit me, that you’re gone. I’ll miss singing Lil Wayne & The Fresh Prince theme song with you. Lol. You were fighting a battle you couldn’t win. Don’t worry I’ll take care of Becca for you. I love you Randa